There Never Was A Once Upon A Time

The problem with birthdays is that we expect everything to change.
We think that overnight our faerie godmothers will come and sprinkle dusk over us.
Thinking that when we wake we will be the little princesses finding amazing meals and silken gowns.
Our expectations are set so high that we believe people and situations will differ from the norm.

The reality is this:
When we wake nothing has changed.
Because there is no faerie godmother. There is no glorious feasts or magnificent gifts.
The poverty that once was still is. The angry people are still angry.
Hearts are still broken. Feelings are still ignored.

There is no ball.

For me there is only one thing that's for sure.
Instead of midnight ending it all and changing everything back to the way it was..
Midnight only ends it. Nothing changed in the first place.
I was never a princess.

Something is still wrong with me.

Silence Is Golden But Gagging Is Messy

Swollen cheeks and a blistered mouth keep ruining my mask.
I've held back for days but I feel weaker. Disgusting.

Paint me a new mask. Something beautiful and clean.
I want to swim in porcelain. Colour me pink with wild eyes.

I haven't slept for years and I dream everyday.
Ears filled with bloody songs and lips like sand.

I once read about a girl who would say "Once when I was a real girl..."
Now I know what she means. Reality is a fleshy memory that swings on wires.

My existence is tiresome and an enigma of twine.
A tangled mess I don't want to unravel.

Carousel

The carousel is spinning.
No sign of stopping.
It's never ending ups and downs.

Hold on tight.

She brings me up.
Flying.
I'm starting to feel again.
The blood starts flowing.
Existence is kissing my fingers.

The hunger still gets to me.
Growling. Crying.
Feed. Purge.
That moment when my painted steed goes down.
Hold on tight.